Pre-barbeque

[24d_245t_tcdd]

Even aggressively under-socialised heroes with virtually no external hobbies or entertainments have certain chores which they must do, regardless of inclination, time, or other pressing matters. Chores such as the utterly mundane need to go shopping. For food. Plain, ordinary, food.

So, of course, Agent Orange is not dressed as himself, but rather as his secret identity, which is rather more secret than most. He is wallpaper; about as ordinary as it is possible for a man to get with virtually no feature standing out sufficiently to be a starting point for a description should he be witness to or suspect in something.

He was standing in the vegetable section of the store, a Whole Foods because he found the price an equitable trade for the quality of foods, doing meal planning for the week as he judged the benefits of asparagus versus those of bok choy.

Comments

[futures_of_ash]

"Yes yes, do come join us sir!" Hank waved at the picnic table, and moved so that he wasn't precisely sitting on the whole table!

Kitty laughed and Kurt grinned. "Ja, but we've had this happen before. Just as Kitty never lives down her inability to ride busses..."

"Hey!"

"...Rachel cannot shop."

Rachel snorted and grinned. "My friends. C'mon, they don't bite."

"Except Logan!" the group chorused.

[24d_245t_tcdd]

He nodded, stepping after Rachel in a casual sort of walk that did not look like that of a fighter. Not even like a fighter trying not to be a fighter. It was just...an ordinary guy, walking after a woman.

There was a flicker of a smile at the comment about Logan, but nothing else.

[futures_of_ash]

Hank adjusted his glasses, eyed Agent Orange a bit, then blinked. "And I do believe I've been asked to equip you." He sounded utterly delighted by the prospect. He didn't often get cart blanch like that!

"Hank! Let the man sit and eat first." Logan gruffed from the grill. "Then you can science at him. Rachel, the salad stuff is all still in the fridge since we didn't know when you were getting back."

"Ladies, if you'll come with me?" Kurt laughed and held out his arms to the girls.

"You be alright for a few minutes?" Rachel asked Agent Orange, not taking the offered arm yet.

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"I will be fine." he said mildly, sitting down at an unoccupied space with plenty of room on either side of himself. He then turned towards Hank, "Does she often offer to pay people to eat out more?"

[futures_of_ash]

"Alright. I"ll be right back." That said she hooked her arm in Kurt's, the tailed man giving a jaunty grin before disappearing in a puff of smoke with the two ladies.

Once they were safely gone Logan turned around and crossed his arms. "So, who are you exactly?" Rachel had said 'friend, hero, non-powered' and told him she would bring him to the barbecue. That was about it!

And Hank chuckled. "I believe we would need you to elucidate upon the issue if you wish us to confirm or deny it's reoccurring nature."

[24d_245t_tcdd]

In a voice as even as that of an accountant he stated, "My call-name in my universe is Agent Orange. Out of the mask I am James Henderson." At the time he was out of the mask, of course, "I met Rachel in a cross-universal cafe. We had two more meetings and she decided that I do not socialise enough, therefore she informed me that I would attend this barbecue with her."

His attention turned back to Hank, "She informed me that she wishes me to spend more time eating out rather than making my own meals, for the semi-social atmosphere. When I pointed out that I have limited funds and choose to spend them on equipment instead of meals out she offered your services with the order that I eat out more."

[futures_of_ash]

...

...

Well, that was a tidy summation of events. And now Logan was going to burst out laughing, yes.

Even Hank was chuckling, albeit kindly. "She can be rather...herself." Hank admitted after a moment. "And no, I do not believe this is a particular bargain she has offered elsewhere, at least not involving my own expertise. Welcome, James, I'm rather of the opinion that you received as much information about us as we did of you."

[24d_245t_tcdd]

There was a glint of amusement at Logan's laughter, but little else, and he nodded slightly. Expressive was not, exactly, his thing. "Most likely. I did not press." It isn't any of his business, after all.

[futures_of_ash]

"Ah, in that case allow me to divulge information. We are a team of mutants, active powers as most realities would allow, and we also have our code names and our real names and such. It seems quite the vigilante standard across realities." He chuckled and waved Logan back to grilling. "I am not entirely certain as to how much we may rectify a lack of social events in your life given we have so few of our own but as Rachel does not make friends easily I am quite amiable to a repeat visit provided you do not reveal yourself to be a resurrected psychotic god or some such."

"Or..." Logan prompted.

"Or a psychic manifestation of loneliness, or a brainwashed civilian planted in an alternate dimension to infiltrate Rachel's good graces, or a Shi'ar plant, dear heavens not that. I do believe he gets the point, Logan, I doubt I need to ramble more."

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"To the best of my knowledge I am an ordinary human being without any form of psychic or other mental manipulation. I have a larger than normal likelihood of becoming a sociopath due to my near complete lack of social connection." This was all said in the same even tones, "However that is unlikely to occur for another five to ten years, by which point it is unlikely that Rachel would still be in contact with me."

[futures_of_ash]

"...oh my." Hank noted, removing his glasses and propping his chin on his hand a moment in order to think.

"Yeah, I got nuthin'" Logan noted.

"It is becoming abundantly clear why Rachel kidnapped you I'm afraid." Hank noted quietly. "And I am not certain as to whether you would be able to shake her in five or ten years without extreme circumstances."

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"I do not think that if I end up a sociopath that Rachel will continue to associate with me. My plans for the future would result in my incarceration prior to it becoming a problem for society at large anyway."

[futures_of_ash]

"You don't get it kid," Logan snorted and flipped a steak. "As long as some reality isn't dragging her off again she tends to be really, really worried about her friends. And if you are one, and you're going down that path? The red headed EMPATH is gonna kick and scream every step of the way."

Hank sighed. "An unrefined statement but essentially correct. Also, tell me, do you have a therapist who deals with heroes?"

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"That is unfortunate." James noted, "It will be difficult for her. There are therapists for heroes, however I am not out and therefore cannot take advantage of that service."

[futures_of_ash]

"Yes, I rather suppose it might." Hank said quietly. "Unfortunately I do not know how to prevent her from going between realities given that I was not aware she was still able at all, much less that she had regular inter-dimensional coffee stops." And now he was tapping his glasses against his chin. He tended to move at least a little while thinking.

"Would you be mortally offended if I composed a list of therapists in the area here I trust that may be willing to take on a case such as yours? As this world is, one assumes, not like your own certainly attending a practice here could not threaten your status there correct?"

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"I will consider the possibility. I am loathe to depend on Rachel for transportation to a therapist, our kind of lives are too difficult to make plans around."

[futures_of_ash]

"I am quite certain that there are methods of travel that do not rely upon Rachel." Hank noted off hand. "Or ways to establish a stable connection point, as per your coffee shop...ah. Hmmm." Possibly.

Possibly.

It was an interesting idea!

"Regardless it is a list I can research when next I am awaiting results and perhaps after measurements for your own gear we can..."

Bamf.

"SALAD!" Or rather bowls of things for self-assemble salads!

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"I would be more likely to accept a therapist if there was a way that I could get here on my own."

The bamf showed that he was a fighter after all. Before the smoke had even dissipated James was off the bench and in a fighter's crouch with minimal body visible from Kurt's position.

[futures_of_ash]

"That will also be an interesting diversion, and certainly well worth establishing." Hank offered calmly to...thin air. Yep, he hadn't turned on the bench to keep facing James.

Given that Kurt had apparently startled the guest, well, he craned his neck until he could see where the man had went. Then he offered a fangy smile and...a bowl of mushrooms. "Peace offering?" What? It was what he had! Plus his other hand was wrapped around Rachel's arm, and his tail around Kitty, so there were limited options.

[24d_245t_tcdd]

He recovered as quickly as he'd moved in the first place, standing and taking the mushrooms with a short nod. "My apologies. I do not work with teleporters often."

[futures_of_ash]

"Ach, always the teleporting! My harmless, fuzzy demeanor..." And yes, Kitty was elbowing him before Kurt could wax tragically poetic just to tease. "He teleports, I phase, you know Rachel, Hank is a genius, and Logan is, well, he heals and brawls." And such. She felt it important to list abilities to prevent further surprises? Much?

"And burns your steak, Pryde." Logan snorted at her description.

Rachel just chuckled and settled her bowls and salad dressings on the table, including a small bottle of white vinegar for AO, and the pepper shaker was taken from a threadbare pocket. "Sorry for the delay, had to protect our salad stuff from the horde."

[24d_245t_tcdd]

"I am baseline human with no powers." Since they were introducing themselves that way?

He began mixing a salad with a quiet competency that implied he'd done a lot of them, using a bit of pepper and vinegar to flavour it. "Thank you for the thoughtfulness, Rachel."

[futures_of_ash]

"It's what you said you liked," Rachel shrugged easily and picked up a pea pod to munch on. It was crunchy and interesting? Kitty was happy to make a salad for herself, though her dressing was more along the lines of Italian. "That doesn't matter much, at least not with us as long as you're a good person and a friend. You don't want to wander toward the mansion though." she smiled across the table at him then bit into her salad.

"Indeed, I've little care for current policy." Hank noted, assembling his own salad as a matter of course. "But that is hardly barbecue fare! We need a far less depressing topic I believe. Can anyone oblige?"

"Of course, we should pick volleyball teams."

[24d_245t_tcdd]

James settled in with his salad to observe the others. He had no intent on wandering anywhere unaccompanied, nor was he really a small-talk-and-volley-ball kind of person.

[futures_of_ash]

Well, that was alright, he was going to get to listen in on a very frank comparison of team players based on non-powered rules and sheer physical ability. They had to maintain even teams after all which meant a balance between the naturally limber and the simply physically fit and...

"I decline this afternoon. I have to get measurements from James if we are to contrive suitable gear for him and..."

"....and that takes James out too. Well, still even, but that leaves Logan and Rachel I think versus Kurt and I? A natural and a trained on each side and..."

"And the tallest and shortest on one side..."

"But you saw how he moved, taking them out would be a shame to the sport and..."

"Steaks and salmon are done, burgers next!" Logan broke into the strategy planning.